Tag Archive | Love

From Blog To Book

bookbinder     bookbinder2

This is the first 250 pages of the book I’m writing for my niece, Nevaeh and her mom, Samantha.

There are many more pages to be added, and it takes tremendous dedication and love to push through when I’m so tired and my heart is beating so fast from grief that I could just collapse.

I believe that God gave me the gift to write and I’m so thankful.

I could never rest if I had to carry this type of burden without a way to get it out.

It’s been amazing to chronicle the journey from Blog To Book, and every page I add is a small victory!

 

Adoption: the LAST option

It’s hard to believe that even after all that we’ve been through, I am not against adoption.

I believe in adoption, under the right circumstances.

Adoption should be for children without homes, not homes without children.

Some adoptive parents seem to be too much like politicians. They tell you everything you want to hear and nothing you need to know. If something is truly an act of love, there should be no secrets, no lies, no selfish motives. It needs to be realised that adoption affects so many people, it changes identities and traditions.

Adoption is a severing. Too many people “buy and sell” children every year,  ripped from their families and molded into what the adoptive “parents” want them to be.

They force traditions on them that have no personal relevance. They keep family from them that need. They keep facts from them that they need to know.

This particular “adoptive couple” knew the circumstances of my sister’s situation, and they capitalized to the fullest.

No conscience, no remorse from taking the child that still has no relation to them or business being with them, playing house to hide Katie’s infertility.

Is it really worth completely destroying so many lives, especially that of MY NIECE?

One day she’ll know the truth, and I literally count the days thinking forward to our vindication.

In Loving Memory of Great-Great Grandmother

My baby love, Nevaeh….

You were named after your great-great grandmother.

She passed away December 11, 2000.

She was not only my great-grandmother, she was also my Godmother.

The night before on December 10th at 11:30 pm, I was getting ready to work the graveyard shift and suddenly I had this overwhelming feeling that my grandma was going to die.

It was like she was letting me know.

I started crying, I told everyone that was around me, I was absolutely certain that it was time.

She had been sick off and on from old age, but she was in reasonably good

health and things were fine as far as I knew.

I went to work, stressed and with a knot in my stomach, barely able to

concentrate. The night felt longer than usual and I was all wound up and

couldn’t wait to get off.

I think it was about 7:30 the next morning, my mom called me and told me my grandma had

passed away that morning after she made a pot of coffee and laid back down.

She went peacefully in her own bed, in her own home, where she was most comfortable.

As much as losing her makes me want to spend the day crying a mixture of happy and sad tears

as I recall the memories of her, I can’t. I can’t just get under the covers and reminisce.

About our Grandma…. She was so funny, and everyone called her grandma including her many,

many grandchildren. She was tough as nails but had that soft side to her as well. I distinctly

remember getting tickled and scrubbed by her rough hands during bath time. Her rough

hands told the story about her life. She loved quarter pounders and an occasional Coors Light.

She was loved by so many and took care of countless children, related and not.

The funeral ceremony was so lovely, and we planned the usual three-

day funeral and gatherings with meticulous detail.

It was the most endearing way to celebrate of the life of our family matriarch.

Today is the anniversary of her passing, and I can’t take the time to grieve her

loss today, letters to write and things to be done so we can get you home.

I just wanted you to know that today, I’m not only aching from your absence but this day is also

in remembrance and celebration of the life of our grandma.

Grandma always called herself “Julie” and I’ll tell you the story behind that later on, when we’re

having one of our auntie-niece sleepovers.

Your mommy and she were extremely close, and your mommy took it very hard when she passed.

They loved each other and got along blissfully.

She named you after someone she loves so much, and misses incredibly. Our grandma was a

strong and loving woman, she never had it easy but still managed to have this loving way about

her that attracted everyone to her.

I used to sit on the porch with her and listen to the most fascinating

stories for hours on end. When we reconnect, I’ll tell you all about her.

So my love, it’s important that you know that you were named after our grandma, and your name

has a beautiful meaning behind it. Today her life should be remembered and celebrated. She is

greatly missed.

And today like every day, you are dearly missed.

I love you with all my heart and I can’t wait for you to come home.

Love Forever….

 

Auntie

To The Honorable Judge Campbell

Dear Judge Campbell,

It is 1:25 am.

I am writing this letter to you because there are so many things that I feel and I need to get this out before it consumes me more than it already has.

My name is Elizabeth, I am the eldest sister of Samantha. I am sure that you are familiar with the case. I am deeply disturbed by what took place between my sister and Lupita Stamos.

I know about the home for unwed mothers that you are in charge of so I know that you have expertise in dealing with these young girls that are often confused and scared about their conditions.

It sickens me to think that Lupita, a family friend of over 10 years, a woman who lived directly across the street from us betrayed us in such a way that has changed everyone in my family forever.

I will start at the beginning.

My sister left my parent’s home in early 2004. She was the typical teenager, wanted to be out on her own.

Even though she was not living at home, our family as a whole did not worry about her, as we knew she was staying with another family friend that knew my sister since she was three.

She was staying at Judy Olsen’s house, next door to Lupita.

Some time in late September of 2004, my sister found out that she was pregnant. My sister was in her eighth month of her pregnancy when she found out, she gained about 15 pounds total and was in complete denial of her pregnancy. She confided in Judy and asked her of course not to tell anyone. Judy broke the confidence and told Lupita, as she did not know what to do with Samantha at that point. Samantha was at this time living in a motor home on Judy’s property. When Lupita was made aware of Samantha’s pregnancy, that’s when she spoke to you about Samantha’s condition.

Lupita then called my sister on her cell phone because she was at work.

She called her five times until she finally reached her that day.

When she called her, she said that she didn’t want her to be upset with Judy, but that Judy had told her of the pregnancy.

She also said that she had great news, as she had spoken to you and found her a place to go. Samantha was adamant about not going to the City of Refuge.

Lupita then met my sister at Locust Park, and discussed with her that since she was already in her eighth month of pregnancy, that abortion was not an option. She then told my sister that adoption was the only way to go. Samantha did not want to go that route either, but thought she should consider it, she did not know how to tell us she was pregnant and kept saying that she did not want to break my dad’s heart.

From that point on, Lupita ran with the ball, for lack of a better term.

Judy and Lupita kept pushing my sister to move into Lupita’s house, which she did not want to do. A few days after this was made known to Lupita, she sent her two boys over to Judy’s house. They just started moving my sister’s things to Lupita’s house, saying that it wasn’t good for her to be in the trailer.

Three days later, Janelle Conner from Adoption Alliance called and made an appointment with Lupita because my sister was not returning her phone calls.

This should have been a red flag to Mrs. Conner, as the person who wanted this adoption so desperately was not even calling her back.

At Lupita’s insistence, Samantha went to a doctor’s appointment to determine her exact state.

Lupita signed her in and was present during an ultrasound which my sister repeatedly stated she did not want to be there, Lupita told her she had to do it to determine the state of the baby.

Immediately after her doctor’s appointment, Lupita drove her to meet with Mrs. Conner, without telling her where they were going or what their business was.

Mrs. Conner stated in her deposition that Samantha seemed like she didn’t want to be there, as she barely spoke. Lupita was present at the meeting stating that there were no secrets between herself and my sister.

During the weeks that followed, my sister was sleeping all the time. She began to change so much that our daily conversations quickly turned into arguments.

There was so much tension that I could not understand.

Lupita had found a couple from Valencia, CA, that wanted to adopt my sister’s baby.

My sister had never made a final decision or even so much as talked of adoption further, yet the adoptive couple had already been found. It was not until later that my sister found out that Lupita had known them, which accidentally slipped out during a meeting with Molly Winter.

Lupita had stated that she didn’t want to tell my sister, but that she knew them.

This adoptive couple came up to meet with Lupita.

They, along with Lupita met at a restaurant. My sister kept saying that she didn’t want to go, but Lupita kept on her until she eventually persuaded her to go.

When they finally arrived, my sister informed the couple that she did not want to meet them, in which they responded that they didn’t want to meet her either.

My sister was there for a few minutes, then became sick to her stomach and left.

Lupita and her husband went and had dinner with the couple. Again, if my sister was so set on this adoption, wouldn’t she have been the one to sort out the details, not Lupita and her husband?

This couple intended to have an attorney from California handle the case and Lupita stated to them that they could just use her lawyer friend, Molly Winter.

Any meeting that followed, Lupita was present at all but one or two of them. All the while, telling her that this was the best thing, that everything would be okay, manipulating her and her fragile mental state.

When my sister went into labor, Lupita drove her all the way to a hospital over an hour away, instead of taking her to a hospital nearby, a few miles from her house. Our family believes she did this because she knows my mother was in nursing school and was always at hospitals in the nearby vicinity. She drove her over an hour away, putting both my sister’s and her baby’s life at risk.

The Adoption Alliance has a rule that the mother must be with her child with no interference from the intended adoptive couple for the first 72 hours.

The adoptive couple was present immediately following the birth, as Lupita informed them when my sister was in labor.

Lupita kept taking my sister’s baby from her arms saying that the adoptive wife had a sad look on her face.

My sister was repeatedly so hysterical that the nurse had to ask everyone to leave the room.

Lupita kept telling my sister that it was too late to change her mind, papers were already drawn up, they were there to get the baby, and that she had made them a promise.

Lupita introduced herself to the hospital staff as Samantha’s guardian, thereby making very important decisions regarding her care. Lupita also had Samantha released from the hospital earlier than her expected release. All the while telling her it was too late.

The couple then fled to Las Vegas, as they were awaiting paperwork regarding the Interstate Compact. Lupita then called one of her co-workers and stated that there was a fax coming in for my sister that she needed to sign. Lupita then called my sister and told her that the woman there would give her the paper, then fax it back.

So she has my sister’s legal documents going in and out of that office, using that office to make calls, to send and receive faxes and essentially setting up this adoption.

All the while that everything was happening, everyone involved kept saying how happy my sister was, how she was smiling and wore makeup. Samantha was appeasing her captures, nothing more.

She was sleeping all the time and was becoming more and more alone.

She had no one in her corner, who REALLY knew her and loved her, to help her out with this dilemma that was tearing her up inside, literally changing everything about her.

Even for the final goodbye, Lupita told my sister that she couldn’t go, so she, her husband, and her two boys went and sent our baby off. My sister then felt her only way to say goodbye, was to go and buy a card with a little angel for them to give the baby.

In the card she wrote what any person who was being forced to say goodbye to their child would say. All the loving things she felt she should say.

 

This all took place from start to finish in 28 days.

Lupita called my sister 34 times in that 28 days, but after the birth of the baby, she called only twice, on the two days my sister had to go and sign papers. In my mind, not a coincidence.

On one of the phone calls that followed, Lupita said to my sister, “Ooh la la, bling-bling, we got Tiffany bracelets.”

That was what my first niece, my sister’s first child, my parent’s third grandchild was worth to her… A Tiffany bracelet.

Lupita was also flown to California to the baby shower, the adoptive couple bought her a plane ticket. Who is to say for certain that there wasn’t a nice little cash bonus for her on the side?

Why was Lupita flown to the baby shower if she was only there for support?

My sister never accepted the bracelet, Lupita’s bracelet was engraved to “auntie Lupita.”

My sister had no counseling, the paperwork was NEVER in her possession, to this day Lupita has it but denies she does. Lupita kept everything from the hospital, including the baby’s lock of hair and the hospital birth announcement card.

Lupita took my sister to the Medicaid office and filled out paperwork for her to get state aid, knowing all the while that my sister had insurance coverage from my parents, knowing that it would have been fraud for her to get aid.

We found a list in Lupita’s handwriting mapping out her goals, like get GED, sign up for traffic school, sign papers A.S.A.P., and let Lupita know A.S.A.P.

Why would Lupita need to know A.S.A.P.?

Lupita was clearly the driver in the situation. My sister had no counseling, no attorney.

Yet still, not one single person seems to care about HOW we got to where we are.

What other kinds of things are going on out of the Elliot County Courthouse? We already know that an adoption was set up on county time, at the county office, using county equipment. Lupita walked around as smug as she could be at the courthouse in California.

Our families go back more than ten years and she didn’t care for one second what this would do to my sister or any of us.

She even had the audacity to tell my sister that she should move out of the area because it was for families.

 

I have never even heard of a story like this, therefore I have never contemplated a plan in case something like this ever did happen. This has put a strain on every person in my family. My sister is now a person that I do not know, cries every day, all day, cannot even see any babies, and has needed so much counseling because we are worried that she may commit suicide.

I have had to quit my job, I have had severe insomnia, anxiety, and depression to where I have had to go to the hospital twice. My parents and my brother, along with my children have been so greatly impacted that we all talk at least three times a day, and cry daily about the loss we have suffered.

I for one moment, do not blame my sister.

I know how naïve she is and how vulnerable she was and still is. The stress has been so immense that I suffered a miscarriage ten days after I was in your courtroom. I was unaware that I was pregnant after three years of trying.

My household has been so affected by this that I never sleep, my relationship is in a fragile state because I am so emotionally unstable, and my children need counseling because my nine-year old daughter has nightmares to the point of cold sweats.

My dad got arrested for going to the first house we own, which is directly across the street from Lupita’s house, for shouting at the top of his lungs about the damage they have done to our entire family. Never threatening her, just speaking from his heart.

A dad that is still watching all the women in his life hurt to the point of sheer despair.

I and my mother have not slept and will never have a good night’s sleep again. My sister is so broken, I don’t even know what to say to her.

This is not just a simple case of regret that everyone is saying it is. It is a case of my sister being duped, lied to, and being taken advantage of by everyone who wanted her baby so badly.

Now, we’re the psychos, we’re the nuts, we’re under the microscope when these people were so desperate for a baby, this is how they got one.

We found out by sheer accident.

My mother found a picture in my sister’s car of her holding her baby. She recognized the bedding and immediately knew which hospital my niece was born at.

This has been the worst nightmare, I cannot even begin to explain the pain we are experiencing and that will NEVER go away.

I have cried from the depths of my soul, am seeing my sister, my parents, my children, my brother all cry the same way. What makes it worse is seeing everyone that I love most in the world hurt in such a way that is so deep I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemies.

How can this have happened this way, and nobody cares? I cannot come to grips with this, I will never accept this as long as I live. We get to see the baby once a year, and we have to pay a monitor for the 6 hours we get to spend with her. I cannot even see babies on television, I cannot look at pictures of my niece, it is too painful. I don’t know how to help my children when they are crying to the point of vomiting.

A piece of us is gone. We will never get back what has been ripped from us.

I am sorry that this letter jumps around a lot, but I am so full of emotions, my mind is now always racing a thousand miles a minute. I have not left my house but once in five months, I can’t hold myself together to even talk to other parents or my friends.

I have stayed up all through the night countless times.

It is now 3:57 am, and I know there’s no hope of me getting to bed any time soon.

I WILL NOT rest until something is done.

This just doesn’t seem legal. Everyone I and my family have told of this situation have told us that they can’t believe this either. From friends, doctors, legal staff, police, and so forth. I can’t even go to visit my family there because I know I just cannot for the life of me be in the same zip code as Lupita.

I desperately want to meet with you in person, as I feel I need to do something to have our story told.

If we can prevent just one family from going through this unspeakable situation, that would be enough for me.

That day when we went to court, you came to my sister and said that that was a place she could be heard. To this day that has never happened. My sister has yet to tell her side of the story and her version of events.

I am begging you, as an honorable man, to take the words I am saying to you, from my heart and soul, and just try for one second to put yourself in our shoes. You know first hand what these girls go through. I know there’s nothing you can do for us now, but still something needs to be done.

We don’t want another family to suffer the way we have and always will.

We will always feel void, never completely full.

I thank you for your time to read this, it is not easy for me to tell a stranger my innermost thoughts and feelings. I am willing to drive up from California to meet with you. I just need to find a place within myself to try to deal with this. It is tearing me up and consuming my daily life, along with everyone in my family. I will reschedule a meeting with your secretary and hopefully you will be able to point us in the right direction.

 

Sincerely,

Elizabeth

 

To The Baby Girl I Love So Much….

This is the first of many letters you’ll receive from me.

I am up at this late hour, thinking of you, and can’t get to sleep.

I am wishing I could see your face, touch your hands, and kiss your cheeks.

You are eleven months old.

My first and only niece.

I keep running this horrible situation through my mind and still can’t believe what has happened.

I don’t know what I’m allowed to write, or what I can and can’t tell you. I’m sure it will be many years before you even get to have this letter….

None of this makes sense. I think about you every day, all day long, I haven’t been able to sleep since I first found out you were born.

Writing is the only way I can be close to you, to tell you how much I love you, to tell you how I feel.

I can’t imagine what this will do to you.

I can tell you that we all love you so much , we miss you, we talk about you everyday, and we try to keep you with us as much as we can.

We all wanted you so badly. The thought of you not being able to be with us, your family, is the worst hurt and deepest pain any of us has ever had to bear. I don’t think any of us have ever cried from the depths of our souls like we have over you….

There is so much I want to do for you.

To see you take your first step, to hear you laugh, to watch you play….

 

It will be so many years until you are able to know all the facts.

I wait and pray for that day.

None of us has ever felt the enormous void that we now feel, since one of our own was so wrongfully taken. We went through so much to get you back. We tried harder just to be looked at as your family; as people who loved you with all our hearts. We would walk through fire just to have you home.

I want to spend time with you, to talk to you, to let you know who your family is and what we’re all about. I know we’re all painted as strangers, but that is something we’ll never be.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You come from Latin decent, Puerto Rican and Mexican to be exact, and you are also Norwegian on your Grandfather’s side. To us, family is the most important thing.

The are so many people who love you…. aunts, uncles, cousins, none of which will ever accept any of this.

When I look at you, I see my sister, I see myself, I see a part of our family.

When I think about all the things we have missed and will miss, it breaks my heart.

I am up every night, missing you so very much. You are never off our minds.

Our veins have the same blood, my history is your history.

 

One day you’ll be all grown and you’ll be able to hear all the things that you absolutely need to know.

Ever since we came back from the court trial, I have had to keep myself so busy because it’s the only way I can keep from crying my eyes out.

It has taken me about a month to even sit and write this letter to you.

I want you to know that I will always love you like my own child, nothing will ever change that.

You will be in my heart, in my prayers, and in my dreams. We can’t wait until you’re older, so you can be made aware of all the facts.

I have faith that we will be reunited and we’ll get to do all the things that families do, some of the things we missed, because there are so many moments that we’ll never get back.

I love you and miss you more every single day. 

God will make this right….

 

Love Always,

Auntie 

Nurse’s Statement

photonursestatement

Out of respect for the nurse and hospital, I have used discretion with their names.

I would like to point out that my sister was 18 as repeatedly stated. Adults making their own decisions don’t have “guardians” with them.

A Bond Unbreakable

A Bond Unbreakable

This photo was taken four months after my niece was unjustly adopted away.

Even though months had passed, this baby knew her mommy, you can see it all over both of them that they belong together.

The baby was so at ease with her mommy, responded to her voice that she remembered since they once shared their two hearts in one body, babies can sense their mommies.

This visit was in a very uncomfortable law office building, the feeling in the air was extreme anxiousness by the “adoptive couple” as they knew that this baby, no matter the paperwork, wasn’t and isn’t their child.

Undoubtedly, this baby knew her mommy and touched her heart, and smiled the biggest grin being in her mommy’s arms.

This is mother and child…. is there anything more beautiful ?